it's human nature to be free

TODAYYYYY III

am cleaning my room out... kind of. finally. I want to take a huge pile of junk to goodwill. And I suppose I should start packing for alaska.... while watching endless hours of gossip girl.

I have too many clothes. and yet I feel like not enough... sometimes it's worth so much to put on a new shirt and feel like you feel good, new, fresh.

Tonight I'm planning on going up to paul's for a day or two. I'm excited. But also.... still thinking, or maybe just beginning to think, about the consequences of not seeing each other... there's been boring, hesitant texting, about how is your day? how is yours? I can tell we want to talk to each other, but there is really nothing to say... at least not over text. maybe a phone call wouldn't be out of place. but maybe that's too soon. too much. maybe i'm already over my head, over what should be....


maybe i am overanalyzing too much!

i like him and we have fun...

ugh
so i was going to get on here and write some while watching gossip girl
but i got distracted on cracked.com
and then i had to pause gossip girl to finish being distracted
and now it's so late if i finish watching this i'll be up until forever
and then i won't be up until too late tomorrow
and then i'll have to finish watching gossip girl
and then eat
and then maybe read a bit or take a nap
and then maybe take care of all the crap i have to do in the last 2 hours before mom gets home...........
that will probably happen anyway

 so today has been a long long long day... this morning I was in everett, at paul's, and it seems so far away now! we met melissa back at t.j's after movie night so we could carpool back home, me and melissa and danielle. and i had a ridiculous fever and achy body and horrible throat ache... so I've applied for a zillion jobs today, hopefully I hear back soon. and paul is applying at jobs too.

i heart this boy. i don't think i will be disappointed if he follows me to alaska. i hope it doesn't jinx us... but i am really happy with him. suspicious, and a bit jaded, but also letting myself get into it, and therefore terrified and trying to step back, and not being successful yet, but happy. :)

this kid is cool. makes my soul feel good. filled up and stuff.

it's love.

 i love these people.

 i've got some friends

 some that i hardly know

 but we've had some times

 i wouldn't trade for the world.

WOW!

so much has happened lately... I feel like a brand new person and yet the same old me as always. I am motivated, inspired, and continually thinking and pondering and wondering about this world we've created. Constantly questioning what puts it all together, and where I fit in, and who and how I want to be, and how I can become that way, and what makes it so. I dig it.... I dig Paul, a lot, even though I feel like no one else will understand, it's okay, he's my pint sized snowboarder boy, and we get each other, in a fundamental way that matters more than other things. It's cause he's a Gemini. Why have I not discovered this before. :) Things will come with time. Here I come AK!