WOW DUDE


i feel agressive today


the trouble with dreams is you can't pretend, something with no beginning has an end


you know i've got an awful lot of big dreams

I NEED SOME BLACK CLOTHES
i don't have any
i don't have anything scene or punk anymore.... they all changed into my normal everyday clothes. sad. i need new clothes. i need to go through my crap. i need to get rid of stuff. oh the things i would get rid of, if my mother couldn't see... i don't want to hurt her feelings. but i don't need all this STUFF anymore... except the books. i still can't part with any of the books. just in case.

......... i know............

IT SMELLS SO GOOD OUTSIDE

 like candles, and grass, and some sort of perfumerance both familiar and mouth-wateringly just out of reach

it's 2pm and i've nothing to do.... except live the life you've imagined!  

and be free 

it's human nature to be free

TODAYYYYY III

am cleaning my room out... kind of. finally. I want to take a huge pile of junk to goodwill. And I suppose I should start packing for alaska.... while watching endless hours of gossip girl.

I have too many clothes. and yet I feel like not enough... sometimes it's worth so much to put on a new shirt and feel like you feel good, new, fresh.

Tonight I'm planning on going up to paul's for a day or two. I'm excited. But also.... still thinking, or maybe just beginning to think, about the consequences of not seeing each other... there's been boring, hesitant texting, about how is your day? how is yours? I can tell we want to talk to each other, but there is really nothing to say... at least not over text. maybe a phone call wouldn't be out of place. but maybe that's too soon. too much. maybe i'm already over my head, over what should be....


maybe i am overanalyzing too much!

i like him and we have fun...

ugh
so i was going to get on here and write some while watching gossip girl
but i got distracted on cracked.com
and then i had to pause gossip girl to finish being distracted
and now it's so late if i finish watching this i'll be up until forever
and then i won't be up until too late tomorrow
and then i'll have to finish watching gossip girl
and then eat
and then maybe read a bit or take a nap
and then maybe take care of all the crap i have to do in the last 2 hours before mom gets home...........
that will probably happen anyway

 so today has been a long long long day... this morning I was in everett, at paul's, and it seems so far away now! we met melissa back at t.j's after movie night so we could carpool back home, me and melissa and danielle. and i had a ridiculous fever and achy body and horrible throat ache... so I've applied for a zillion jobs today, hopefully I hear back soon. and paul is applying at jobs too.

i heart this boy. i don't think i will be disappointed if he follows me to alaska. i hope it doesn't jinx us... but i am really happy with him. suspicious, and a bit jaded, but also letting myself get into it, and therefore terrified and trying to step back, and not being successful yet, but happy. :)