i know this sounds redundant, but i can't help feeling like i am bumming around. everywhere i look people are finding their passions, learning what drives them and following it. discovering something and sticking to it, something that will interest them and support them and keep them intrigued and happy, challenged and motivated. something they can USE, and follow. go places with.

i'm not going anywhere with anything. i am wandering senseless. no, not senseless, just directionless. purposeless. isn't it true that man is nothing without purpose?

i have nothing to drive me.. just the wanderlust, and hesitant freedom. i still have bills to pay. i still have people i want to be around. so i still have ties. yet i have no job, i have no school, there is nothing singular i am interested in or want to follow or that drives me beyond sensible measure. i am vaguely interested in a lot of things, all of which will get me no where or will take me too long to get there. astronomy. geology. environmental studies. astrophysics. sociology and anthropology. all of which take degrees, years of study.. take dedication.

i don't have anything yet i can dedicate myself to without feeling like i'm losing everything else. there isn't a One Thing that is worth everything. that makes it okay to give up all my choices for now. that makes it not feel like settling.

except flight school. flight school could be good.

i just don't want to go to college yet. i don't know what to choose and it costs way too much money to dawdle. i already dawdled one year and it is costing me 5 in return.

i like to write too. i started a blog for vagabondjourney.com. which is thrilling. except i like my voice when it doesn't mean anything. when i feel like i have to write, it changes, and i don't like it at all. it's too.. assuming.

even a little blog like that changes things.

oh well.
i am learning that patience is a virtue. that this too, shall pass. that with a deep breath and a quiet moment things that seemed unbearable will lighten and change... that if you can't do anything about it now, just wait a while, and eventually things will come to you.

or something like that.