from uw. 

I was discussing this with myself in the shower this morning. because the shower is the best place for emoting. and I said, "why do you have to be such a flip-flopper?? you can never settle for anything.. you always have to have other options, and not just have other options, but jump back and forth between the two like a crazed maniac on hot potatoes."
then I responded, "maybe it's because, if I settled/didn't have a short attention span/could decide easily, then I would have nothing to do all the time, and therefore I would be bored, and I don't like to be bored. so perhaps, I subconsciously flip-flop to prevent myself from being bored, because continuity is boring to me."

"this makes sense. because then it is a vicious circle; I can't make up my mind because that would become dull, and I don't want to be dull so I can't make up my mind."

so maybe this is just meant to be a part of who I am. a very big part.