today i don't feel like doing anything

got home from paul's, am stupid stoned. my whole body feels like when you eat too many corn nuts (or salted pita chips) and your tongue is scratchy/stingy. i'm watching how it's made and moving stuff over onto my new hard drive. yayyyyyyyy

i want to talk more about paul. tomorrow maybe when i can think. about how it's weird when we're apart. i guess it's natural.. but it felt like SO LONG when i got to see him on tuesday and then i thought about it and it was only 3 days. but it felt like i had already forgotten how awesome he is. maybe cuz texting sucks. but he is so cuteeeeee and nice to meeee and always tells me he loves various parts of my body/things i do/things i say/other parts of me. :) and kisses me all over and makes sweet sweet love to me, which i forgot how amazing it was. and pets me and tickles me and plays with my hair, and makes me smile :) and says silly crazy ridiculous things. and we have good talks about politics and life, and smoke and drink and generally live the dream. plus he opens the door for me, and drives me around, and takes me exploring places. and above all, does all this for me and doesn't ask anything of me! not literally, figuratively or metaphorically; i don't feel pressured or bugged or taken for granted or anything. just liked. and it makes me want to do these things for him in return.


however i was trying to send out my feelers as far as forcing it goes. and i do feel it, a little bit, when i think about it. but if i consciously sit back and just enjoy the ride, and stop trying to force it, it goes away (obviously). but i mean... it's like i have this view of A Relationship, and that as you progress along a certain timeline, so does the relationship. as does x, y. rise over run and whatnot. but it doesn't have to be that way. we can stay at point (Easy NSA Just Liking, More Than Friends But Nothing Serious) for as long as we want to. And we should. But automatically this just happens to me, it's like my brain does it automatically and my body and mind go through the motions after it. weird. maybe that's what I'm really good at in life. So I have to consciously remind myself to stay back, stay back fido, calm down.

picture time!

sitting at the mouth of the last tunnel, caved in, before we turn back

kyle on the big scary bridge thing

:)

<3

one tunnel

stiliguamish river

another tunnel

friends.