Often times I get these feelings, cravings. I want to do something but I don't know what. I want to go somewhere, I need to find something to fulfill this urge but I don't know what fits in the spot. Something creative, something purposeful, something worth doing, an accomplishment. But not just anything. Right now Christmas shopping feels oddly right but I have no money to do it with :/ I was considering just going downtown to walk around and see what happens but I don't want to spend anything, and I shouldn't use the gas..
I open this blog to write and write but I have nothing to write about except my life and how I feel, and I go through so many cycles that it always seems the same. And I always only feel like writing at certain points in the cycle, at certain feelings. If I wrote all the time, when I was happy, crazy, mad, etc, instead of just what I usually do, I could use that, use how it feels when I am happy to work my way back up again when I am depressed. But I don't. And it's hard to make myself; when I am happy I just feel so carefree that nothing matters, it's not a big deal, and I think if I get sad, well I'll just live through it until I get happy again. And I talk myself out of it.
Because writing feels like it could fill the empty gaping hole right now but what do I write about? I could write a letter. I could start writing letters to everyone in my life. Or I could write a book. That would be pretty awesome, that's something I would like to do in my life. But I don't even know where to start. I could paint. But my eyes glaze over. I could read..
My mind needs occupation! Challenge! I need to go to school.. or somewhere new. I need stimulation!
People.. Interaction. An outlet for this restless energy.
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